Hello fellow Medium writers and readers.
A happy end of the year to you, and new year well-wishes! As the year comes to its demise, let’s pause and reflect upon this timespan in which we’ve lived a Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter of our lives.
Here you’ll find six simple but powerful questions to help you reflect on your previous year to help you appreciate the positives and to clarify what you can do better for next year. I share my own answers after each question.
1. What have you accomplished?
Have you done certain things you wanted to do or try?
Have you grown personally in any ways?
I got my butt out and travelled more than I expected — spent some time in Big Bear whilst renting a cabin for the first time, visited Sedona, Arizona, took a little trip to Santa Barbara, visited San Francisco, went camping and walked through the Sequoias, plus, my dog got to experience camping for the first time. And I went storm chasing on the coast in California when those dire warnings were going out to stay indoors or you’ll die (exaggerating a little…but those text notices would not stop coming lol), when that rogue hurricane came close by. I’ll also throw in a trip I took to Vegas last December, since it was right near the opening chapter of 2023 — I did so to finally meet in person a friend I’d known for nearly a decade!
I made some efforts at socializing more and meeting new people — going to yoga regularly, going to a few meetups, meeting up somewhat regularly with friends I’d made the previous year.
2. In your eyes, what do you have to be proud of?
Maybe you did certain things or made strides that were really difficult for you. Perhaps they would have been easy for others. What matters is that they were significant for you.
Were there any times where you demonstrated good character? Times where you stuck to your values when there was an easier route?
I’ve accomplished some writing I’m proud of on Medium. It’s a good way to express myself. I’m also proud of the practice I’ve put in with singing and the results I’ve gotten. I ventured into (very amateurly) recording some songs I like to sing….practice makes perfect!
I put effort into a certain friendship that had its challenges so as to give it a good chance. It would have been easier to give up.
3. What is one thing that really stands out amidst the rest of your 2023 times, as perhaps the star of the show?
If it’s something you see as overall negative, what are the possible positives you can come up with in relation to it?
I’ll give you a really good example of finding the positives from a negative star of the show, as that turned out to be the case in my own life 😊 My 2023 star is the resurfacing of a trauma that happened back in 2013!! (Yeeps!) That was certainly the most intense thing that occurred this year. This is something of which I thought the worst was over. Not. Seems it was lying inside my memory body, still unresolved, ready to jump out with the right trigger.
I was visiting a friend in San Francisco, where I lived ten years ago, and it was the first time I’d been back since then, actually. On the last day of my trip I had time on my hands so I decided to visit certain places of significance from when I lived there. …One of them turned out to be my downfall… I’d recently been working on a writing project commemorating the good experiences from certain personships past, one of which was someone from my San Francisco days. Even though it ended very badly between us (Original Trauma), I felt I was now in a good frame of mind, having the good memories at the forefront. I just saw walking past the place associated with them as a simple walk down good memory lane! That place almost felt like a dream from another lifetime by now.
Well, in the end, poor traumatized me from the past was awakened, slowly and stealthily. First it was just anxiety, then sadness, but within a couple weeks’ time, I’d say, I was full-blown in the super pained, confused, panicked, conflicted, resolution-seeking state EXACTLY as if the situation ten years ago were happening to me RIGHT NOW. God, it was fucking horrendous.
I had to make my way through that seemingly unresolvable state for 3 ½ months…going about life as usual but tortured beyond words on the inside. I was continuously having crying breakdowns. This reawakened trauma was very heavy and complex and had been left in a rather chaotic state when it went into hibernation, because there had been no way that I found to “get over it” (as said person so kindheartedly and helpfully told me I needed to do).
Positives of this experience? After a lot of journaling exercises to gradually bring my system out of that stuck state and sift through the layers and crippling emotions, and also a generous fellow HSP friend (who found that I was still suffering over it) talking with me for 2 hours (bless his heart), I definitely made strides in unraveling the trauma knot and releasing stuck energies inside me (most certainly limiting and weighing me down in life in some ways).
Also, it might sound weird, but I feel like what happened to me a decade later is validation and proof of how severely emotionally traumatizing that time was for me. Being back in that same state did not make rational sense…the person wasn’t even in my life anymore! But that’s the way trauma works — you go through a bad experience that you are unable to process, so it remains with you in the state it was left in, and with certain circumstances or triggers, will reactivate. #$(&$@(%&@(*#%&@)$%&!)%@ and this one was baaaaaaaad….it was literally a straight year of emotional/psychological torture when it happened. So, 3 ½ months is nothing right? lol.
But it was hell x2 to be thrown back into the thick of it and be drowning all over again. But I see it as a positive point, anyways, that this surprise vortex of death taking me over so long after the fact is testament to the suffering and discombobulation I went through, even though it would seem unbelievable to many people. The resurfacing certainly took me by surprise. I knew it had been a traumatizing experience for me but didn’t expect to be hurled straight back into the eye of a decade-dormant storm.
4. What is something in your life which you feel could have used more attention in 2023, which you can now give attention to in this coming year?
During this year I tried a couple different things to immerse myself in life, get involved in some sort of enriching activity that was an outlet for growth in some way.
One idea I tried was to be around horses — they’re known to have a therapeutic effect and I’m drawn to animals and enjoy connecting with them. Horses do have a powerful yet gentle energy. I found a place to take lessons and started out with a few horsemanship classes but found that it was hard to get myself to go. It seems it wasn’t quite what my spirit was looking for at this time.
Even though an activity could totally be beneficial and enjoyable for you, it may not quite be right for where you’re at in life right now. The direction your spirit is looking to grow, maybe some need or deficit that wants to be addressed, is calling for a different route. And trying to participate in something that doesn’t quite speak to that is like added noise, just something you can’t really connect with at this time.
Another thing I tried was rock climbing. I bought my climbing shoes and harness, thinking, “I’ll definitely keep up with this!” I love climbing things — like a crazy mountain goat. I went to one outdoor class with a friend, and then nothing after that — had the same problem. I’m sure if I had more life in me I would have been able to continue. But first — I’ve got to pick up something that generates more of this elusive lifeforce for me.
I’ve been thinking I’d love to go to some kind of spiritual discussion group like a Buddhist meetup or Satsang. There isn’t much of anything in the area I’m currently in, so it will be a stretch to get myself to regularly attend one, but if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes. I could see that as being very enriching for me. So I will try that, and if it doesn’t work out, keep trying until something really resonates!
5. What are 1 or 2 good lessons you can carry with you into 2024?
A lesson I learned is that good communication also includes repeating yourself when someone does not listen to you (or perhaps doesn’t seem to catch on the first time you say something). You might have thought you were clear but maybe it didn’t actually get through to them or maybe they didn’t think it was a big deal or that you actually meant it.
I felt pushed into something I didn’t want to participate in — I had clearly stated my stance but then the other person kept pushing the case and I ended up feeling obligated to go along with it. I even commented during it that it was not working for me (which I guess was too feeble an attempt at expressing my opinion because they still felt all was well). I then felt I just had to endure the rest. The end result was disastrous and created a chasm in the friendship.
One other time, another friend and I were looking for an activity to do. They had an idea I wasn’t keen on, which I voiced, but they felt strongly enough about it that they said they were going to do it anyways because blah-blah-blah. They assumed I was happy to participate along with them when I didn’t reiterate that I wasn’t interested. I checked it out, confirmed it wasn’t my thing, and walked off. I’d actually thought they meant they were doing it with or without me (because it was obviously clear where I stood, right?) and was surprised when they returned all annoyed and looking-down-their-nose at me.
6. What are 2 main things you can be working on in the coming year?
We don’t want to bog down our minds and our focus with too many things. It’s good to choose just a couple things to keep a steady focus on. Have everything else kind of working around them.
First, for me, is moving to another area, and that includes getting myself psychologically prepared to do so. It’s been difficult getting myself to move forward in that regard, even though it’s been very high on my needs list the whole time I’ve been here.
I was talking with a wise friend and she said the reason people waffle on determinations and goals is that there is something there that is not being acknowledged or addressed properly. It could possibly be misgivings, fears, unpreparedness, not enough clarity, a lack in your sense of agency for some reason, perhaps even the wrong goal for you in the first place. Find out what is standing in the way and actively find ways to address that.
The other thing for me to focus on is what I talked about in question 4! As my life is very unpleasing, I not just want, but NEED, to get myself involved in some kind of activity that will add palpable positivity and invite natural flow for me. This will help to rebuild my spirit and inner strength, further enabling me to immerse myself in life.
If anyone else feels like they could use something more in their life to help bring their spirit out, and perhaps struggle with motivation or anxiety or maybe in just finding something to fulfill that inner call, please be persistent in finding something that is right for you!
I invite you to engage with this post and write your answers/reflections in the comments section!
